It has only taken me 8 full weeks but I finally feel like I am not living someone elses life. I will admit that I had a rough start at being a mother. None of if had to do with the fact that Bryn has reflux. I simply felt like being a mother was just not what I had expected it to be. You may be thinking...."What did you think it was going to be like?" The simple answer to your question is....I really have no clue.
Somewhere in the 9 months I was carrying Bryn I romanticized about the idea of being a mother. Our days would be filled with smiles, giggles, rainbows, sunshine, and the occasional unicorn. Now most days are filled with smelly diapers, dirty floors, a crying baby, and 2 pretty dark circles under my eyes.
I did struggle at first with baby blues that developed into postpartum but I have the most amazing support group including my loving husband and parents. I don't know how I would have gotten through those first few weeks without them.
Don't ever be afraid to ask for help because you are feeling overwhelmed. TALK! I was on the phone with my friends, mom, and anyone else who would listen when I was feeling like I was in a deep hole and no way out. I felt guilty for feeling like this when I had the most beautiful baby girl who needed me and I could barely get out of my own head.
The difference between then and now....time. It took me time, practice, and lots of online articles and baby books telling me that I was not alone and things would get better. There is nothing better when you are feeling down than to realize that other people have felt the SAME way. It really puts a new spin on the saying "Misery loves company" doesn't it?
These days Bryn and I have found our "mojo", our rhythm in this whole Mommy-Baby dance. We have found what makes eachother tick, where our breaking points are, and when we both just plain need a nap!
Being a Momma takes practice. There are no rule books. I probably sound like a broken record but this is the honest truth. It is not all roses and sunshine like so many TV shows, books, and magazines depitct motherhood.
One thing is for certain. When you see that little girl smile for the first time, when you hear her laugh for the first time, or when you just feel her little shudder just as she falls asleep in your arms, those are the times when its ALL worth it.
Bryn is doing worlds better. I switched her to an anti-gas formula which has helped with her fussiness (most days) and we increased her dose of her reflux medication (which has helped for the most part). She still has those days but we have figured out how to deal with them better.
She is sleeping pretty much through the night- 10pm- 4:30am back to bed at 5:30am- 8:00am. We really are fortunate she sleeps well *****knocking LOUDLY on wood******
Another piece of motherly advice: do not expect all days will be the same (both good and bad) because as soon as you start to appreciate it, boom they change. For instance. Bryn hated being put down anywhere (swing, bouncer, bassinet). About the only place she didn't like being put down was her playmat. Now: she needs to be put down a few times a day. We call this her quiet time. She likes to lay awake and sometimes put herself to sleep. Don't ask me why. Maybe she is growing up.
Sorry for the rambling. :) Next time I will be more structured :)
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